


We can be heroes, just for one day

by Writer_In_The_Dark



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Curse, Earpcest, F/F, If that ain't yo deal I'm sorry, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, but don't hate on me for it, pretty angsty tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 09:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16616537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_In_The_Dark/pseuds/Writer_In_The_Dark
Summary: When Waverly was 14, the only thing keeping her together left.When Waverly was 15, she couldn't understand why she didn't want to kiss the boys her friends tell her she should.When Waverly was 16, she celebrated her birthday without the one person she really wanted there.At nearly 17, her sister shows back up in her life, bringing a chaotic hurricane of new thoughts and feelings and emotions.And all she wants to do is drown in it.





	1. There's a menace in my bed, can you see her silhouette?

The last time Waverly saw Wynonna was when she was 14. They'd spent the night curled up in Waverly's bed after Gus had given her the evening to pack her things and find somewhere else to stay after the hundredth argument of the week.

_"Don't leave" Waverly choked, "don't leave me". She clung to the lapels of Wynonna's tattered denim jacket as she crossed the threshold of the front door. Wynonna's features twisted in pain, and her eyes darted pleadingly between Gus and Curtis. The latter scratched at the thinning grey hairs on his head, staring shamefully down at his boots._

_"I'm sorry Wynonna, but this was the last straw. You be safe_ _now". He wouldn't make eye contact with her, and embers of rage burned hot in Wynonna's chest. They were quickly snubbed out when a sob was wrenched from the small girl in her arms._

_"Hey, don't cry pretty girl" she wiped at the tears tumbling down Waverly's cheeks with her thumbs, a futile effort. It only caused more to fall after them._

_"You said you wouldn't leave again. You promised you'd be good!" Waverly tried to yell, but it came out more like a broken whisper as her closed fist hit at her sisters chest with little force. Wynonna's hands, damp from wiping at her tears, encompassed her fist and brought it up to her chapped lips to kiss gently._

_"I know_ _babygirl, I'm so sorry" she sighed, glancing up at Gus "but I have to go. You're gonna be just fine, and I promise I will be back when I've sorted myself out. You're too young to understand right now, but one day I'll explain it to you"._

 _That night, as she watched her sisters beat up truck pull out of the homestead and down the road, despite the snow that blanketed the ground and the trees_ , _basking_ _everything in white, all Waverly could see was black._

 

* * *

 

 

The first time she saw her again was completely unexpected. If you'd asked Waverly a minute prior how she felt about Wynonna, the answer would be fairly constrained - 'I love her of course, she's my sister, but she's also... Wynonna'.

But then she heard something expensive-sounding smash downstairs, and she ripped the earphones from her ears just in time to hear a gravelly voice yell that the whole town could go fuck themselves, and all she wanted was to see her baby sister.

Waverly could've picked that voice out of a crowd of screams - it was the same one that whispered that everything would be okay when their father fell too deep into the bottom of the bottle, the same one criticising her in the back of her mind everytime Champ gave her some weak apology for his latest loyalty lapse, the same one she wore as a blanket when she cried herself to sleep, the inexplicable hole in her heart nothing seemed to fill growing with each passing day.

Waverly had never moved so fast as when she leapt from her desk chair, her math homework scattering across the carpet, wrenching her bedroom door open and coming to an aggressive halt on the landing. She was scared, terrified even - she hadn't seen Wynonna in nearly three years, she wasn't sure what to expect.

Although, she never really knows what to expect when it comes to Wynonna. She's the definition of spontaneity, a big contrast to Waverly, and one of the things she loved the most about her sister. She took a breath, and then another, her grip on the bannister slowly turning her knuckles white as she rounded the two steps to the top of the stairs. There, with an aggressive stance, leather-clad and arms crossed, stood Wynonna. She looked just as beautiful as Waverly had remembered, if not more, but there was something _different_ about her - all of her sisters features just seemed sharper somehow - her jawline like it could slice through anything, angry expressive eyebrows knotted together, her piercing stare turning the air around her electric. She watched her sisters deep scowl directed at Gus turn to something conflicting between shock and love battle in her features as she stared up at Waverly almost reverently when the smaller girl made her presence known with a small cough.

"Waverly" she breathed, a wide smile softening the angry lines in her forehead.

 

* * *

 

 

The silence was uncomfortable for Wynonna, to say the least. Waverly had been stood in complete silence at the top of the stairs for about thirty seconds, and Gus had only contributed to the awkwardness by 'tsk'ing every time she looked at Wynonna.

She hadn't really been focusing on Gus and her evident distaste, however. She was too focused on her baby sister. Although, less baby and more woman. _Definitely more woman,_ Wynonna thought as her eyes trailed over the tank and sleep shorts Waverly was wearing. She looked down at her own battered boots, ripped jeans and faded t-shirt she'd picked out of a dollar bin at a gas station. She wished, for a moment, that she'd dressed to impress a little more.

It was starting to hit home how much Wynonna had missed in the near three years she'd been out of Waverly's life - Curtis dying, puberty apparently hitting Waverly like a truck - she wondered if she has a boyfriend. She didn't stop to analyse why the thought left an uncomfortable feeling in her gut.

"Wynonna, what...?"

Wynonna let out a small breath when Waverly finally decided to break her temporary vow of silence.

" _What_ are you doing here?" she tried again, a little louder and a lot bolder. She had to build her walls up.

"You're seventeen in three weeks Waves, I wanted to be here for that".

"How convenient, that makes up for you missing the last two birthdays" she was marching down the stairs with a renewed purpose now, making Wynonna back up until she hit the radiator. Gus just sighed in exasperation and shuffled away to the kitchen.

"That makes up for you" she jammed a finger into Wynonna's chest, just above her heart, "not bothering to answer my texts or calls for the past two months".

Following Wynonna's surprised gulp and nothing else, Waverly decided to continue venting. It felt good to let go of the anger that's been building since Wynonna left. The ache, it was killing her.

"What?" she laughs humorlessly, "you expected me to just drop everything for you and forget that you left and couldn't be bothered with us, with _me_ anymore?"

Waverly's jabbing finger turns into a palm over her sisters heart. She notes how unsteadily it races.

"The way you forgot about me?"

The last part comes out as a whisper. Heartbroken.

Wynonna's hurt expression almost makes Waverly take it all back. _Almost._

"I never forgot about you, Waves" she breathes, fingers ghosting down Waverly's cheek. She fights the urge to lean into her sisters embrace.

"I could never, ever forget about you. Not for a day. Brainwashing couldn't wipe you from my mind."

Waverly rolls her eyes at her sister, despite wanting to laugh. She's missed this - missed her, more than she'd like to admit. _Is it normal to miss someone so much, you don't feel truly alive when they're not around?_

Both of Wynonna's hands come up to cup Waverly's cheeks, and she leans in to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. They stay there as she whispers, "I came back for you".

"Couldn't you have called?" Waverly asks, breathy, as Wynonna pulls away a few inches.

"Lost my phone in a bet. There was alcohol involved" she cringes, "I was so sure I was going to win that".

"What kind of alcohol?" she asks sceptically.

" _So_ much whiskey" Wynonna clutches at her head like the hangover is still there. "I might need a liver transplant."

The joking feels good. Waverly hates being angry at her sister.

"Ah" she grins, "so _that's_ why you came back."

"No, baby" Wynonna's hand winds around the back of her neck and plays with the baby hairs there. She notices Waverly's breath catch. "Just for you."

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
For the second time in an hour, Wynonna was contemplating pulling out an imaginary gun and shooting herself in the face. Anything but this unbearable awkwardness. Gus had come back, holding a rattling tray of tea, and ushered them into the living room. After Waverly had begged and batted those puppy-dog eyes, Wynonna had agreed to stay, but the hot beverage was doing nothing to break the icy atmosphere in the room. She sipped at her tea and tried not to make a face - she was more of a coffee girl.

"So, Waves, you've gotten..." _Smoking. Curvy. Delicious._ "taller" she finished with an internal grimace.

_It's just initial shock. She's changed so much - this will wear off._

Wynonna had kept repeating that to herself like a mantra since Waverly had practically pinned her up against a wall.

"That often happens when you leave for three years" she rolled her eyes. Waverly was switching between bitter for her leaving and ecstatic that she was back so fast that it was starting to give her whiplash.

"So where exactly have you been Wynonna?" Gus asked with a pointed sip of her tea.

"Oh you know, around" she shrugged.

"No, we don't know" Waverly interrupted, "because you don't bother to update any of us."

"I bounced around a bit after I left Waverly, what more do you want me to say?" she bit, "I was in Canada for a while, then Europe, then I came back to the states and stayed with some friends in New York. And now I'm here" she gestured vaguely around her, "sunny Purgatory."

"You didn't have to come back" Gus stated.

"Yes, I did" Wynonna put down her cup and reached out to grasp one of Waverly's hands, playing with her fingers, "I told you I'd come back and I did. I'm just sorry it took me so long."

Waverly couldn't be angry. Not when Wynonna was staring at her boots in shame, affectionately drawing patterns out on the back of her hand, sending tingles up her arm.

"Aunt Gus, we're gonna go up to my room and talk if that's okay" she told more than asked her aunt.

"Go" was all she said, waving them away. She wasn't exactly Wynonna's biggest fan, but she trusts Waverly and the girl knows it.  
Waverly stood, tugging on Wynonna's hand for her to follow.

 

When they got to her room, Waverly stooped to pick up the scattered homework. She was bent trying to grasp a piece of runaway algebra when she felt a sharp sting to her left asscheek, whipping round to face a laughing Wynonna.

"Damn, babygirl, where did you get that? You were such a scrawny kid." she chuckled as she slumped down onto the bed on her back.

"Such a charmer" Waverly rolled her eyes, turning to shuffle the pile of papers on her desk to shield the blush she could feel warming her cheeks.

Wynonna let her eyes wander while her sister was hunched over the desk, trying to neaten up an already-perfect stack of papers. It wasn't really all that unusual for them - their dynamic was always pretty handsy, even if they hadn't seen each other in a while, it's just how they work. But it didn't _feel_ normal.

It felt like Wynonna wanted to go back over there, put her hands back on her, feel every part of Waverly, run her hands over every inch of skin. She shook her head to get rid of the intrusive thoughts - she shouldn't be thinking about her baby sister like that. It's wrong. Right?

Her head hit the pillow with a sigh. She just had to take her mind off of it, she'd feel fine tomorrow.

"So it looks like you're not the only thing that's changed around here" she commented, pointing around her when Waverly finally turned around to sit on the end of the bed, by Wynonna's feet.

"No more posters you'd cut out of magazines and stuck on the wall. No more stuffed toys, apart from Colonel Cuddly" she picked up the old, tattered bear she'd given Waverly for her 8th birthday, back when it wasn't a suspicious brown color and still had both its eyes. Waverly shuffled up the bed until she was lying between the wall and Wynonna, reaching over to the bear affectionately.

"I remember you giving that to me. I remember you saving up all your money for weeks because I saw it in a shop window and begged you for it. You giving me that on my birthday, that's one of my favourite memories."

Waverly felt safe like this, safe in Wynonna's arms that had subconsciously wrapped around her when she'd moved up by her. She laid her head just under Wynonna's shoulder and hesitated for a moment before laying a tentative hand on her stomach, the gentle rise and fall lulling her into a relaxed state.

It was only then that Waverly realised the persistent, painful ache that gnawed away at her everyday was... _gone._

As if Wynonna could read her thoughts, which Waverly often thought she could, she whispered, "I'm not leaving you again any time soon, Waves", before placing a gentle kiss on top of her head.

"But what if you do? You run as soon as there's a small bump in the road. It's who you are."

It hurt like a punch to the gut, but Waverly was right. She ran from her problems, she had done her whole life.

"I know. But at some point I have to stop running."

"So you're not just back for my birthday?"

Waverly felt her sister's head shake no, felt gentle fingers trailing up and down her spine. It felt so _good_ to be the focus of her sister's attention again - when she didn't feel like she was fighting for Wynonna's attention with whatever guy she was sleeping with, Wynonna and Waverly were a force to be reckoned with, like an ancient legend. She hoped there was no 'guy' at the moment.

They laid like that for about an hour, Wynonna recounting some of her alcohol-induced escapades from when she was away, describing some of the places she'd visited.

'Not sure what all the hype is about' was her exact description of London.

After a bit of a struggle trying not to jostle a half-asleep Waverly on top of her, Wynonna managed to pull her cell out of her pocket to check the time. 21:27.

She craned her head to watch Waverly, eyes closed and relaxed, snuggled into her chest. She felt a dull ache digging at her heart to think that she'd caused her baby sister so much pain when she was gone - that evening she'd left and Waverly had begged her to stay, the betrayal in her eyes had broken Wynonna. It haunted her every time she closed her eyes, the only thing numbing it being alcohol and sleeping around.

"Waves?" she prodded at her back gently, "wake up babygirl, I should get going."

Waverly grumbled and groaned as she dragged a hand down her face sleepily. She angled her face up to look at Wynonna.

"Where are you staying tonight?"

Wynonna was lost for words for a moment, the air knocked from her lungs. She'd always thought the idea of someone being so beautiful it takes your breath away only existed in trashy romance novels, but Waverly looking up at her like that, wide-eyed, rosy-cheeked and long brown hair tousled over her shoulders was enough for Wynonna to stumble over her thoughts.

"Wynonna?"

She snapped herself back to reality.

"I've got my own apartment"

Waverly's eyebrows practically hit her hairline.

"How did you afford an apartment?"

Wynonna shrugged, "side jobs". She didn't really want to have this conversation right now and ruin the moment.

Waverly gave her a distrustful once over but knew not to push. Wynonna would tell her when she was ready. She reluctantly pushed herself off of the bed and led Wynonna back downstairs.

"Tell Gus I said goodbye?"

"I will."

Wynonna pulled on her jacket, one she'd bought in Las Vegas and was now her most treasured possession.

"That jacket looks good on you, you know" Waverly commented, picking at nothing on her hands.

"Pfft, everything looks good on me baby" Wynonna pulled the jacket snug on her, throwing her a wink, "but nothing looks even better".

Waverly's cheeks went pink almost instantly.

"C'mere" Wynonna chuckled, pulling Waverly into a tight hug.

They stood like that for a couple of minutes, until Wynonna reluctantly pulls away. Before she can do something stupid.

"Can I pick you up from school tomorrow?"

She looks so hopeful, Waverly couldn't say no if she wanted to. She doesn't want to.

"I'd love that"

"Okay" Wynonna couldn't keep the smile off of her face, "see you tomorrow cutie."

Waverly stood on the porch waving until Wynonna reached her truck and got in. She threw her one more wave and then the door was closed.

She slumped down into the seat on the truck, groaning into her hands.

The whole evening had been some kind of delicious torture.

She loved seeing Waverly, she was without a doubt her favourite person on this godforsaken earth, but it took some kind of ethereal self-control to keep her thoughts and her hands from roaming when she was right there, on top of her, so _eager_ to please.

It would be so _easy_ to just-

_Nope. No. Not going there._

Wynonna threw the truck into drive and sped down the road, with one destination in mind: Shorty's.

She had one coping mechanism when she wanted to numb intrusive thoughts: _drink until everything is black._

Her baby sister couldn't reach her there.


	2. Paint me in trust, I'll be your best friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tiny change to the end of the last chapter to fit with this one about the homestead. Hope it makes sense.
> 
> Also I'm painfully aware that I can't just pick one tense (present or past) and stick with it so I'm so sorry for that mess but I guess it's just a thing now

The sunlight streaming through a crack in the curtains was burning through Wynonna's retinas like a high powered laser. She groaned and stretched out on the couch, wincing at every crack and pop. She was still wearing one of her boots, the other had somehow made its way into the open-plan kitchen. Her leather jacket was pulled over her chest like a blanket, not that it was doing much to warm her up in the cold bite of the morning. She reached down to the carpet for her phone, knocking a half-full can of beer over in the process.

_"Shit."_

The screen lit up and she immediately regretted that decision, fumbling to turn the brightness down through half-closed eyes.

**1:04pm.**

The previous night was haze, at best. She'd left Waverly's and driven straight to Shorty's. She didn't remember much past that - _lots_ of whiskey, but that was a given. She clicked on her camera roll and braced herself for the inevitable incriminating evidence of all her alcohol-fuelled bad decisions.

There were some blurry selfies with people she didn't recognise, a video of her shouting something unintelligible before chugging a pitcher to the chants of an equally inebriated audience, and is that... _Mercedes Gardner?_

Wynonna sat upright like a bolt, groaning when her stomach lurched with her. Mercedes Gardner - probably her closest, if not only friend in high school. They were equally bad for each other, always encouraging the other to ruin their lives a little more, but Wynonna always had a loose tongue around Mercedes. She knew Wynonna's deepest, darkest secrets, and Wynonna knew hers.

Terror rose up inside her at the thought that in her drunken stupor, she might've let slip some of the depraved thoughts that had been circling in her mind all night, no matter how much whiskey she tried to drown them in.

Wynonna was foolish at times, down right dense even, but _surely_ she wouldn't admit something like that to a woman she hadn't seen in years. Would she?

She shook her head in denial. She wouldn't.

She _can't._

 

* * *

 

 

The shower was cold, perfect for helping to shake the hangover headache and cold sweats.

It had nothing to do with the fact that her piece of shit apartment didn't actually have hot water.

Her mind wandered to what Waverly was up to right now, what class she has, who she's friends with. She knows now that she's dating the egotistical Champ Hardy - he'd won a few rodeos and was suddenly small-town famous. She's small-town famous too, she supposes, but probably not for the right reasons. Father was killed during a home invasion, mother was incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital after committing manslaughter when she'd taken Ward's truck and ran, insisting there were demons in the road. Big sister had upped and left as soon as she'd turned 18, leaving Wynonna and Waverly with a drunken, occasionally abusive father.

Wynonna's back hit the cold glass as she stood directly under the icy stream of water, a bitter laugh tumbling from her throat.

_And people wonder why I'm so fucked up?_

A flash from her phone on the edge of the sink pulled Wynonna out of her head before she could spiral anymore. She wiped at the water droplets on the glass to see Waverly's name lighting up the screen, below the selfie Wynonna had asked for the night before, 3 drinks in and under the guise of needing a new contact photo for her.

Well, it wasn't exactly a _lie._

She opened the shower door and grappled for her phone before it could go to voicemail, gasping a little as the cold air hit her wet skin.

"Hi, Wynonna" came the shy greeting. Wynonna could hear the smile in her voice.

"Hey babygirl, what's up?" she asked breathlessly, wrapping a towel around her body with one hand.

"Hey... what's that sound?"

Wynonna was then reminded to turn off the shower before her water bill crippled her completely.

"Shower" she chuckled, "your timing is impeccable kid."

"Oh" there was a short pause before, "are you still picking me up today?"

"From school? Of course"

" _Don't forget,_ Wynonna." She says it accusingly, as if Wynonna is irresponsible. She scoffs.

"I'm not going to forget between now and in an hour, Waves." She rolls her eyes and barges into her closet for some clothes that don't reek of whiskey.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Waverly spots Wynonna's truck before she sees Wynonna, who has her arm out the open window, a cigarette dangling between two fingers. Her sunglasses are resting on top of her head, and her eyes are closed as the sun beats down on her face.

She takes a moment to admire just how _beautiful_ her sister really is as she takes a lazy drag on the cigarette, eyes still closed. She wonders if she'll ever be able to pull off that hot, rebellious look.

_Probably not._

She remembers the first time she had tried a cigarette - 13, sat in a tree with Wynonna as she held it to her lips and told her to breathe it in. It had resulted in a coughing fit and Gus losing her mind when she could smell smoke on Waverly's clothes.

She marched over to the truck, trying to keep her stern expression in place as Wynonna's nose wrinkled in confusion when the sun was blocked out. She plucked the cigarette from her fingers and threw it onto the ground, crushing it beneath her converse.

"I still had half of that left!" Wynonna cries as she leans over the door of the truck, "do you realise how much those things cost?"

"Yes," Waverly crosses her arms and fixes her sister with a glare, "your life if you carry on like that."

Wynonna slumps down into her seat with an eye-roll. _Petulant,_ Waverly thinks as she rounds the truck and gets into the passenger seat.

"So, where to babygirl? I hear they've built a tragic excuse for a cinema in town."

"Actually," Waverly digs around in her satchel before pulling out a set of keys, dangling them from her finger. "I was thinking we could go and see the homestead? Maybe start to rebuild?"

Wynonna's jaw clenches as she reaches out and gently takes the set of keys from her sister. There are two normal, brass ones - the front and back door - and a heavy, old key for the barn. She holds them in her palm, weighing them. They feel a hell of a lot heavier than she remembers. Maybe that's just because the rest of her feels heavier too.

One of last few memories she has of that house is Waverly and Willa's screams as their father was dragged out of the door and thrown onto the ground. Wynonna could see what was going to happen about a second before it did, grabbing Waverly by the back of the head and pulling her face into the crook of her neck as she watched a man with greasy, slicked back black and white hair fire two rounds into her father's back.

"Wynonna?" Waverly's voice was so gentle as a soft hand ran up her thigh. "We don't have to, I just thought..."

"No, it's okay" she wipes at the tears that had collected in the corner of her eyes before they could fall, "I have to face my demons sometime, right?"

Her baby sister gives her a tender smile, hand still trailing up and down her leg absently as Wynonna pulls out of the parking lot. She was amazed at how quickly her attention was shifted from something so traumatic to the burning trail that her sister's touch left behind, squirming in her seat as Waverly's hand inches up just a little higher each time, before remembering that to Waverly this was _entirely platonic_ and she was just irrevocably fucked in the head.

"Tickles" was the lame excuse she gave as she pulled Waverly's hand away, opting for holding onto it instead. She rolled her shoulders and breathed out some of the tension. If Waverly was picking up on it, she wasn't showing it.

The drive there was quiet. Faint music was trickling through the radio, and the engine was humming steadily, but the two sisters didn't talk until Wynonna came to a stop just outside of the homestead.

"Wow..." Waverly breathes, taking it in.

"Is it how you remember it?"

Waverly shakes her head no. "I actually came up here last year... I wanted to see if I could fix it up myself after I gave up on you coming back." Wynonna's heart drops. "But I couldn't bring myself to go in alone. I didn't want to set foot in there again without you."

Waverly turns to face her, sitting on her legs. "I actually had this stupid idea that one day you'd come back, and we'd fix it up together and then live there."

She watches a pale blush creep up Waverly's neck, cheeks and reach the tips of her ears as she stares down at her lap shyly.

Wynonna's gaze follows the blush down, drops to the low dip of her top's neckline for a second before coming back up to hazel eyes.

"Like, live there together?"

Waverly shrugs a shoulder, "it was this stupid fantasy I dreamed up as a kid."

"Hey" Wynonna frowns as she lifts Waverly's chin up with a finger and meets her gaze, "you are a lot of things, Waverly Earp, but stupid is definitely not one of them." She pretends to think on it for a moment, like her heart hadn't almost beat out of her chest at the idea that Waverly would want to actually move in with her, before admitting "actually, I think that's one of your better ideas. I don't think I could ever turn down living with you, baby."

Wynonna is sure that the beam that spreads across Waverly's cheeks at that moment could light up the darkest room.

But for now, she'll settle for it lighting up the chasm in her heart.


	3. I'm still yours and you're still mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a break for a bit from life because apparently you can do that, but the song two punks in love by bulow seriously inspired me to get back to this, that song is literally made for Waverly & Wynonna. You should go listen.

The 'Earp' sign nailed to the wooden arch is hanging almost vertical, what they have of a front yard is dead, and the outside of the barn is looking very sorry for itself. The homestead windows have been bordered up with thick cardboard pallets, and the varnish is peeling from the decking. Wynonna lets out a long, low whistle.

"This is going to take a shit load of work, Waves" she states, hand on her hip as she surveys her surroundings.

"I know" Waverly nods as her arm wraps around her sister's waist, fingers tucking into the loops of her worn leather belt subconsciously, "but I think we can do it. As long as we're together," Waverly grins up at her, "we can do anything."

"God, that was so cheesy" Wynonna laughs, despite the warmth settling in her chest. "True, though" she admits quietly.

"Mm," Waverly leans against her sister, cheek resting on her shoulder, gazing up at her with soft eyes, "who knew the infamous Wynonna Earp could be such a big softie?"

"You knew" she rolls her eyes. She feels like she has to, because Waverly is melting against her, fingers playing with her belt and the skin at the waistband of her jeans, staring at her like she put the stars in the sky. She has to close herself off, or she risks completely opening herself up.

"Wynonna?"

Waverly's breath hits her cheek, warm and peppermint as she whispers her name and Wynonna can't help but wonder what her name would sound like as a loud cry or a broken whimper, tumbling from Waverly's mouth in unbridled ecstasy.

It's that thought that jolts her back to reality, pulling the hand that had drifted to the small of Waverly's back away as she leans down a couple of inches to place a gentle, barely-there kiss on her forehead.

"Come on babygirl, let's go see what the damage is."

Wynonna sets off for the front of the house, leaving Waverly blinking in confusion for a couple of seconds before following dutifully after her.

The front door had one large, half-rotten wooden plank nailed across it in order to keep anyone out. That includes, much to Wynonna's dismay, the properties rightful inhabitants.

"Oh shit" Waverly mutters frowning at the door, poking at the damp wood.

Wynonna's head whips round to stare in disbelief at her baby sister.

"Did I just have an aneurysm, or did Waverly 'I do extra homework for fun' Earp just _swear?"_

It's an exaggerated statement of course, Waverly is feisty and fiery and a _teenager_ after all, but still, the teasing is fun.

Waverly just glares half-heartedly at her sister, nudging her with her elbow.

"I'm really not as blushing-virgin-in-white everyone makes me out to be, Wynonna. I have changed these past few years, believe it or not."

The urge to throttle Champ Hardy was not uncommon for Wynonna, in fact it was her default mood at this point, but it had never been stronger than in that moment.

"What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean, Waverly?" all playful teasing is purged from her tone as she spins round on the ball of her foot to face her sister, silently seething. The younger girl opens her mouth to answer her but is cut off by Wynonna's flailing hands and harsh tone.

"I'm going to choke slam that slimy, greasy little ranch hand I swear to-"

"Wynonna!" Waverly scolds in exasperation. "I just meant I'm not some golden girl, jeez. Champ and I haven't-" she clears her throat, "I mean we're not-". She frowns. She's not entirely sure how to finish that sentence.

"We haven't _really_ done anything, I've already told him I don't want that. Yet."

Wynonna tries not to focus on what the borders of _'really'_ could be. She also tries not to focus on Waverly and her innocence, because she's good and pure and everything Wynonna isn't judging by the blurry images at the forefront of her mind.

"Good" she sniffs, "he doesn't deserve to even breathe the same _air_ as you, Waves."

_Not to mention I'll rip his throat out if I find out he's touched you._

Waverly just lets out a breathless laugh, shaking her head fondly, resting a tender hand on her sister's shoulder.

Wynonna sighs and hooks her hands around the plank of wood and tugs gently. It's nailed in pretty tight, but there's a little wiggle room. Perhaps it's the residual fury burning through her veins, or just the desire to impress Waverly with her strength like some teenage boy, but she pulls at the plank of wood with all her might, and on the third try, it's wrenched from the homestead walls and clatters to the floor.

She kicks it aside with her boot and lets Waverly unlock the door. It creaks loudly as it opens, which Wynonna just find plains creepy, and she makes a mental note to replace the entire door and its hinges.

Dust settles heavily over every surface, every old, tattered piece of furniture. Waverly steps in unsurely, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth and nose as her movements disturbs the dust, sending up a wave of it in her wake. It takes Wynonna's eyes a minute to adjust to the dinginess of the rest of the house, in comparison to the elongated rectangle of light the sun throws in through the open doorway. The unsettled dust that dances around there glitters in the light. It could almost be beautiful, Wynonna thinks, if only the constant reminder of death and pain wasn't haunting her the second she'd stepped through the doorway.

"Do you think it'll feel different when we've redecorated?" She turns to Waverly, lets her vulnerability show. She wouldn't, if it was anyone else.

"Definitely. We'll strip it down to its foundations, and rebuild it completely in our image. Make it ours." She wraps a hand around Wynonna's bicep, looking around thoughtfully.

"I'm thinking..." she brings her hands up, palms outstretched above her head, gesturing vaguely at everything, "pink."

It's so decisive, so Waverly, that Wynonna can't help but burst into laughter.

The beautiful, adoring grin she receives at that makes Wynonna's head spin and heart hurt.

"Do you even know how beautiful you are, babygirl?"

She can't help it. Waverly is mind-numbingly gorgeous, she wants to tell her constantly. She can't, her confession would give away things she can't even bring herself to accept, but she lets herself have this moment. Stood in the dingy front room of the dark homestead, Waverly outshines the sun in the sky.

"Not like you," Waverly smiles at the floor, tugging on the sleeves of her top. Nervous habits, Wynonna recognises, and self-conscious ones.

_What the hell does Waverly have to be self-conscious about?_

"Waves, I'm pretty sure you're an actual angel."

"You're just being nice because you're my sister"

 _I'm being nice because you're hot as fuck and apparently you don't see that but okay._ She shakes her head immediately, as if that'll get rid of the thought.

"Hey" Wynonna frowns, lifting her chin with her finger, "clearly Chimp isn't worshipping the ground you walk on like he should be."

Waverly rolls her eyes, hitting Wynonna in the stomach with the back of her hand. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough that Wynonna has to shift and scratch at her cheek to try and hide the blush she can feel there. _So pathetic_ , she thinks.

"Champ is nice to me," Waverly says it like that should explain everything. Like she should be _grateful_ for his attention or something. She pulls some candles from her satchel, dotting them around as Wynonna follows, lighting them with the personalised zippo lighter Waverly gifted to her 4 Christmases ago. It's got a simple line drawing of a girl's face on it. engraved in silver on the black lighter. It's meant to be Waverly, she'd told her as Wynonna unwrapped it, sat cross-legged on Waverly's bed.

_"So I never really leave you," she told her eagerly, small hands gripping at Wynonna's jean-clad knee, "and you never really leave me."_

Wynonna remembers having to bite at her lip until she tasted the telltale metallic liquid dripping into her mouth, to stop her from scooping Waverly up in her arms and running, leaving Purgatory and it's inhabitants far behind.

"Plus, Purgatory is a pretty small town, so" she wrenches a large plastic sheet from the couch, "limited dating options and all."

Wynonna is confused for a moment, still caught up in the memory of Waverly's small hands and smiling eyes watching her reverently, before she'd broken her by leaving her over and over again.

_Oh right. Chimp._

"Doesn't mean you have to settle for that douche, Waves. I mean his name is literally _Champ,_ " she scoffs, muttering "talk about oversized ego. A child rodeo star a champ does _not_ make."

In the candlelight, Wynonna can see that the interior isn't actually as bad as the exterior. Sure, they were going to repaint, and replace the god-awful furniture, but other than that it seemed okay.

She flicked the light switch, hand jerking back when she heard a high pitched whine and it fizzed and hissed at her.

Okay, so they'd need to rewire the entire house with new electrics too. No biggie.

"Think the wood store still has some spare kindling?" Waverly asks with a hand on her hip, chest heaving from dragging a fallen beam from the bottom of the stairs out on to the front porch.

Wynonna shrugs, distracting herself with a window that she'd tried to open and now won't close because _what the fuck babygirl, are you trying to kill me?_

"Thanks for the input" she rolls her eyes, "I'll go check."

By the time Waverly _finally_ gets back, arms full of kindling and logs, Wynonna has torn away the cardboard from the boarded-up windows, letting what is left of the sunlight stream through cracked windows, lighting up the living room. It's aired out a little between the open door and the damn window that won't close, no matter how much she threatened it, but now it's grown cold and the sun is starting to set behind the mountains at the edge of the horizon.

She dumps it down on the floor next to the fireplace, and Wynonna hastily goes about trying to warm them up. There's a roaring fire in the fireplace not even two minutes later, and Wynonna sits back on her heels in front of it, a smug smile in place.

"Impressive" Waverly comments from just behind her, eyebrows raised.

"Arson is just one of my many talents babygirl."

"Um.. hello?"

Wynonna jumps at the voice coming from the front of the house, grabbing a fire poker and holding it out in front of her instinctively.

"Calm down Wy, I ordered take out" Waverly chuckles as she passes her to open the door.

"Purgatory does take out now?" she follows, puzzled, putting the fire poker back.

Waverly opens the door to greet a short, lanky boy with a mop of wavy brown hair on his head and a sad, sad excuse for a teenage-boy 'stache above his top lip.

"Jeremy! I didn't know you worked at the diner" Waverly exclaims, taking two brown bags from his arms and handing one to Wynonna.

"Just started" he chuckles awkwardly, and there's a pregnant pause before, "you know my name?" he shuffles awkwardly on the porch, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Of course, silly, we go to the same _school"_

"Yeah but you know, you're _cool_ and I'm _gay,_ so..."

"Barf" Wynonna voices from behind them, because she's fed up with this awkward encounter, before her eyes widen in shock at Waverly's if-looks-could-kill glare.

"Oh god, not barf because of the whole" she gestures at him awkwardly, "gay thing, I swear."

 _"Wynonna"_ Waverly practically growls next to her, and she cringes at herself before pulling a twenty dollar bill from her wallet and handing it to him.

"Keep the change, kid."

Jeremy nods and scuttles away down the drive as Waverly shuts the door behind him, rolling her eyes at Wynonna as she walks past her. At least she has the decency to look ashamed.

"So you're _cool,_ huh?" she flops down on to the couch next to Waverly, who is busy spreading out the contents of the bags over an old coffee table.

"Not surprised - all the smart, hot girls were 'popular' when I was at school too" she muses, "god, they hated me."

By the time Wynonna's brain catches up with her mouth it's too late. Maybe if she didn't have all these confusing feelings swimming around in her head, maybe if she hadn't been trying to not stare at Waverly all day, she could've brushed that statement off as sisterly affection - their lines had always been blurred when it came to that anyway, but instead she just sat there, cheeks on fire, spinning the rings on her hands, refusing to look at her baby sister who had paused her movements.

Waverly seemed to get over it pretty fast and continued dishing out burgers and fries onto makeshift plates from the paper bags.

 

They'd finished, near cleaned off the whole meal, with the exception of the various stray chip scattered on the table, and Wynonna had eagerly raced out to the truck to collect the bottle of whiskey she kept in her glove compartment for 'emergencies', because this, apparently, counted as an emergency. Waverly had stood to find a couple of glasses to clean out, exclaiming in delight when water sputtered through the kitchen taps after a few dubious seconds. It was a futile effort, apparently, because Wynonna just frowned at them and pushed them away from the bottle, unscrewing the cap and handing it to Waverly after gulping down almost a quarter of it in one go, because 'you can't enjoy good whiskey properly in a glass'.

Wynonna watches her baby sister, apparently not so young anymore, tip her head back and gulp down more than the _sip_ Wynonna had advised she start with, watching the way the muscles in her neck contracted as she swallowed, and the way her face scrunched up adorably as the burn hit her.

As a drop rolls from Waverly's lips, and starts a slow descent down her chin Wynonna reaches out, delicately grasping Waverly's chin with her thumb and forefinger, the pleasant buzz drowning out any rationality as she moves to kiss the drop away, lips lingering on Waverly's skin as she feels her breath hitch and a gentle hand clutch at her knee, and suddenly Wynonna's transported back to that Christmas, when a young version of Waverly had wrapped her arms around her neck, telling her _"I love it babygirl, it's perfect. Like you",_ when she'd asked if Wynonna liked the lighter.

She pulls back from Waverly to see hazel eyes, soft and trusting, slowly becoming eclipsed by black as her gaze drops to Wynonna's lips, and back up to her eyes.

They say your life flashes before your eyes moments before you die, but as far as Wynonna was _aware_ she wasn't dying, although the crushing feeling in her chest said otherwise. She comes to a slow realisation as nearly all 22 years of her life flashes behind her eyes, every interaction with Waverly, every shared kiss and touch and heart-wrenching moment that maybe she was a lost cause from the start, because these feelings _weren't_ new in any way and as she and Waverly grew older they got decisively less innocent, and maybe she hadn't been running from her drunk daddy or her crazy momma this whole time, maybe she'd been running from the monster living in the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind.

The drinking had begun so young, by 14 she was steadily holding her liquor, hiding bottles of whatever she could get her hands on under her bed for when Curtis would track her down to whatever party she was at and drag her home. Was that when she'd begun to feel whatever the hell this is she's feeling for Waverly? Was that why she kept herself at a constant buzz, to calm her mind just for _a little bit?_

Waverly's affection had always calmed her, quietened her, and she began to crave it, sneaking in to Waverly's bed in the dead of night so they could snuggle, reaching for her hand at any possible moment, and no one batted an eyelid because they're _sisters_ , and it's _cute_ , but it wasn't cute to Wynonna, it was a necessity.

It had seemed so innocent then but it felt anything but now, and maybe _that_ is why she left just before her 20th birthday, before she could do any more damage to the only person she really cared about. And now she had Waverly, her sweet Waverly, who seemed so responsive to her touch and so trusting in her actions sat on this couch with her, alone, in the middle of freaking Nowhere, Purgatory, clutching a whiskey bottle in her lap, and it was a horrible, blurry echo of Wynonna's past.

"Wynonna?" Waverly's voice sounded shocked, scared even and for a moment Wynonna thought she could read her thoughts, see all the depraved, unsisterly things she'd wanted to do with her and to her for _god knows how long,_ until she felt soft hands stroking reverently at her cheeks and realised they were wet.

She hates crying, often prides herself on having the emotional capacity of a chair, but could do nothing to hold back the choked sobs as she sits facing Waverly on the couch, legs crossed, hunched over. The pain in her chest, in her _heart,_ Wynonna wonders if she really is dying.

And she really does want to die when she hears a shaky "baby, what's wrong?" because _I don't deserve you, damn it, stop caring so much._

Waverly lifts Wynonna's chin up just enough to wrap her arms around her neck, burying one hand in her hair as she whispers sweet nothings against the shell of her ear, trying to console her sister. She didn't know what to do, it had been _so long_ since Wynonna showed any intense emotion of any kind apart from anger.

Wynonna's arms come to wrap around her waist, her forehead resting on her shoulder as she slumps against her as Waverly happily takes the weight, angling herself to lay back, tugging at Wynonna who comes forward with no resistance. They nestle together, Wynonna nearly covering Waverly with her body as she keeps her face buried in the soft loose hair above her shoulder. She tries to get up, murmuring something about not wanting to hurt Waverly before she is tugged back down and gently scolded not to move again.

"You're too good for me" she sighs into her hair, eyes still screwed shut, tears still falling steadily but the choked sobs now calmed to an occasional sniffle. "I'm not a good person, Waverly, I don't want-" she exhales in frustration, "I'll hurt you." Wynonna is scared, for a moment, that Waverly would understand the implications behind her words, understand that her love is so much deeper for her than it should be. And then, she's tired. Her sister wants to comfort her, and she wants to be comforted, so she gives in.

"And how are you going to do that, Wynonna Earp?" her voice is tender, firm, giving Wynonna the sense of security she'd lost the moment she'd left Purgatory. "Because the only way you could hurt me is if you left, and you _promised me_ you wouldn't leave me again."

"I'm not leaving" she shakes her head. She pulls back to gaze down at her beautiful baby sister, eyes fluttering shut as Waverly tucks a strand of dark hair behind an ear covered in metal piercings and gemstones.

"I'm not a good person" she repeats, whispering it more to herself than Waverly.

"You're wrong" Waverly frowns at the tear that escapes from the corner of her eye, wiping it away with the back of her hand before Wynonna can open her eyes and see. "You're my _best friend_ , Wynonna. You are the only person that makes me feel safe" she reaches a soft hand up to run gentle fingers across a sharp jawline, cheekbones, across closed eyelids and split lips, blood trickling from where Wynonna had been chewing them in her distress. "Really, truly safe."

"What about Chimp?" falls from her mouth with a bitter laugh before she can stop it, eyes opening hesitantly. There's hurt in Waverly's eyes for a second, before it's replaced with understanding, and _something else_ Wynonna can't quite place.

"What about him?" she whispers, a ghost of a smile on her lips, "you're my _sister._ I love you more than I'll ever love him. He's... convenient. But if you don't like him, I'll stop seeing him."

She doesn't want that. She doesn't want to dictate Waverly's life, her friendships or her relationships. She doesn't want to be controlling, even though she knows she  _could_ if she really wanted to. But she also doesn't have the energy or the willpower to say otherwise, so she opts for silence.

She takes the hand that's still tracing gentle lines over her split lips and presses a kiss to each finger, before leaning down to press one between Waverly's eyes. She shrugs off her jacket, wrapping it around her baby sister before settling back down on the couch as Waverly shifts, coming up to curl around Wynonna, clinging to her as if she's scared she'll bolt at any moment. One of her legs comes up and hooks around Wynonna's waist, and a small hand grips at the ratted material of her top, bunching it in her fist.

They've been laying like that for a half hour before Wynonna feels Waverly's breathing even out to slow, gentle breaths, and she knows she's fast asleep. She indulges herself and lets her hand wander down to the leg still wrapped securely round her middle, drawing idle patterns up and down her baby sisters thigh, the other hand resting on her back, holding Waverly tight against her.

The fire still crackles in the hearth, warming up the room, and there's a gentle breeze coming in through the broken window, lulling Wynonna a restful sleep for the first time in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled writing this chapter and I'm still not 100% sure I like it so please bear with me if it's a bit shit

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this shit.  
> Side note: I'm British and I can confirm that London is really not all that.  
> Side side note: I can't take myself seriously when I write 'intrusive thoughts' because all I can think about is that meme about 'what would happen if i kicked this child across the room right now?'.


End file.
